J is for Jealous | Jori Drabbles
For Anon: Jori A-Z
Summary: Jealousy; painful apprehension of rivalship in cases nearly affecting one’s happiness—coming in a form of someone you wouldn’t expect.
Notes: Takes place more than a year after 1x05: Jade Dumps Beck—but Tori and Jade’s plans fail and Jade is rejected. I didn’t want to write anyone you guys would expect. From his POV. Leave feedback? Not my best, blame lethargy.
I hate the way Jade holds her hand, or the way Tori kisses Jade’s neck. I hate the way they’d whisper into each other’s ear then proceed to kiss each other’s lips so tenderly. I hate the way Jade seems so happy. I hate the way Tori seems so filled with purpose and meaning. I hate everything about their relationship and even though I knew that Jade would move on from me somehow, I didn’t know how fast that would be and I didn’t know that she’d move on with her. Tori. Tori Vega.
Now I just want her back. I want the light back in my life. I want the sun in the form of darkness and pain—but it’s too late. Jade has someone else and I’m busted up and broken down.
The first week of Tori and Jade being a couple, I tried to ask Alyssa Vaughn out, but when she found out Jade dumped me for a girl, she treated me like I had a contagious disease. So I stopped going to out-of-Hollywood Arts-classes and opted to take my academics seriously. I couldn’t even do that since all I saw around me was Tori and Jade acting happy and free and I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t contain my anger and skipped school for a week.
Cat came to my house one night and asked me why I skipped school, I didn’t answer her but I let her in. I poured my heart out to her and that wasn’t fair since I knew she had ulterior motives. I’d known she’d had her eyes for me long before Jade and I were together but I just never saw her that way. I told her everything. I told her how I hated the LGBT Community now because of them, when I had no problems with them before.
“Beck?” I hear Cat say, hand on my knee, bringing me back to reality. “Beck, you haven’t eaten anything.” I see her shove a carton with a burger inside and smile at me. Across us, I see Jade giggling into Tori’s ear and it makes me sick. I watch as Tori’s hand grazes Jade’s cheek, pulling my ex-girlfriend closer to her. It makes me sick to my stomach and I want to get away. I feel Cat’s hand squeeze my knee.
“Thanks, Cat.” I smile at her, trying to look away. She smiles back and proceeds to giggle uncontrollably. I open the carton and take a couple of bites, reminding myself how much food is needed for survival. I take big bites and scarf it down in less than five minutes but after a while I feel like throwing it up again.
Cat jumps from her seat, looking at the couple across us with delight, “So what you guys talking about!?” She beams. I don’t want to know so I hope Jade says something sharp and painful even if it is Cat we’re talking about.
“We’re going to Florida this weekend.” The group moves excitedly and Andre pats Tori’s back. “I’d invite all of you but it’s kind of an anniversary thing.” Tori smiles widely and Cat makes a joyous, screeching sound I can’t discern.
Andre eyes me with concern and I shrug him off. Has it really been a year? Has a year passed with me, as a single individual? Tori and Jade as a couple? Has the world gone so mad that I let all this time fly by without even noticing?
“Yeah, I can’t believe it’s been a year!” Jade says, pulling Tori’s waist closer to her body. The bell rings and I scarf down a cup of coffee I steal from the table. I don’t know who it belongs to but judging from it’s content, I’m saying it’s Cat’s. It’s too sweet.
“Hey man,” Andre comes up to me after class and I smile at him. I could tell he was trying to get me to do something. “How you holding up?” I furrow my brows as if I didn’t know what he was talking about and he just gave a sigh. I know I’m still in denial, I know I can’t let it go. I know I made a mistake by letting her go.
“Great, just great.” He stares at me, a dead look in his eyes. Behind him, I see the couple I dread and angrily stuff books in my locker. I just want them to stop being everywhere.
“Well, hey, listen, I have to go to rehearsal. If you need to talk,”
“I know, I know. You’ll be there.” He smiles and swats my arm. He gives me and idea and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try.
I knock at the Vega’s door at 7:30PM, I knew Jade would be home since I asked Cat to accompany her and confirm the paler girl’s whereabouts before coming here. I had some things to say and this was probably one way to do it.
“Beck?” Tori asks as she opens the door. Her eyes light up when I run a hand through my hair and she lets me in instantly. She re-introduces me to her parents and they give me a bowl of salad and we eat in her room. She’s sitting on the edge of her bed, reading glasses on and beside her a book half-open, pages separated by a photo of her and Jade.
“So what brings you here?” She asks as if she couldn’t see the giant elephant in the room. She tucks a strand piece of hair behind her ear and I shift uncomfortably in her beanbag, stuffing my fork in the bowl of salad.
“Tori,” I say with a cut the crap tone. “I think you know.”
“Beck, a year ago, I swear I begged you to—” I raise a hand, indicating her to let me finish speaking. There’s worry and dread in her eyes and I will myself to continue.
“I know,” I admit. “I know,” I look down and put the bowl away, hands clasping together and hoping for strength. “But, I just came for closure. I want to know what happened, what’s happening and possibly what’s going to happen…” Silence. She doesn’t want me to know these things so I stare deeper, hoping to find the connection we always had—or at least I thought.
“Tori?” She looks at me and there’s that pain etched on her face. I don’t want that. I move in closer, forearms on my kneecaps and hands together. “Is,” I see her shift as uncomfortably I did and tuck another strand. “Is Jade happy?” I squint my eyes, trying not to feel jealous of the outcome or her answer.
“I love her, Beck.” She tells me. “I love her and I always have. I believe I’ve had her in here,” She points to her chest. “from the moment I’ve laid eyes on her and it scared me.” I listen intently even though it was as hard as swallowing a handful of nails, if not, harder. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t steal her away from you. You have to believe me.”
“I do, Tori.” I run a hand through my hair again and ask her to continue. “I’m not mad.” She nods and grabs her phone, checking for messages.
“As for what happened, when getting you a dog didn’t work out, Jade stayed here. Stayed with me and cried her heart out because she loved you. She loved you so much and you rejected her twice.” It’s her turn to run a hand through her hair. “I comforted her and she let me. For the first time, she let me and she fell asleep crying in my arms. Sure, I was tired as hell then, but it was all worth it because…”
I fill it out, “because you loved her.”
“I would’ve done anything she asked me to, Beck.” I think about the times Jade would’ve said the same for me. The times I would’ve said the same things. Tears threatened to fall because I regretted so many things. Jade. Tori. A long love, a stable friendship. I lost it all because of my pride and through it they found each other. ”Are you happy, Beck?” Obviously not.
“No,” I admit. “I still want her back but that’s never going to happen.” I stand up and she does too, hand on my forearm, eyes looking for mine.
“Beck,” I pull away from her grasp. This hurts. “She fought for you,” Her words sting. “She lost.” It came out as a whisper. “And she settled for me.” I smile cynically and walk out her door, stopping mid-step, looking back to her scared stature.
“I really hope you’re happy.” I don’t know why I said that but it felt right.
Maybe this happened for a reason because Tori seemed happy. Jade seemed happy. Everyone else but me seemed happy, and maybe I should start looking for happiness in different ways.